How to use language learning as a tool for personal growth.

Gift number one: Overcoming the fear of looking stupid 

How many times in life are we held back from advancing, expanding our influence , becoming a bigger version of ourselves, because we are afraid of falling flat on our face, afraid of appearing ridiculous, afraid of being laughed at?
Language learning is the ultimate gift for stepping out of your comfort zone, jumping into the unknown and expressing yourself with a limited number of words to connect with another human being. This requires courage and yet it is perfectly acceptable to advance with mistakes, through trial and error, with creativity and a sense of humour.

Many people ask me how long they need to obtain a Cambridge certificate such as the FCE, CAE or the IELTS or to pass the TOEFL exam with a respectable score. Some exams are more complete and in preparing them the experience of the language can be enriching.

Alexandre Jollien is a philosopher and writer, author of ‘ In Praise of Weakness’, ‘In Search of Wisdom’, ‘ A Monk, a Philosopher, and a Psychiatrist on What Matters Most’ ( co-authored with Matthieu Ricard and Christophe André), 10 books published in French and numerous articles published in French magazines. His depth and sensitivity in sharing his spiritual path is a great inspiration to his many followers, who have found comfort and a better understanding of the human condition thanks to his honesty and power of expression. In this article, in the form of an interview, Alexandre shares his experience of English coaching, his quest for ‘relaxed English’.

In this article, I would like to reflect on the question, who is the expert or rather who is the one that knows, in the context of language learning and English coaching? The obvious answer would seem to be the ‘teacher’, the one who knows the language best, but in the case of English coaching, this is definitely NOT the case. In fact, placing the expertise of the coachee in the foreground of the process is what makes English coaching so very different from English teaching.

Many of my clients feel a certain frustration because they don’t have enough words to be precise and exact in conveying their message in English. It’s true that the more words we have, the more choice and nuance we can bring to what we want to say. However, it is a mistake to think that there is a right word for every situation and that every native speaker would choose that word over another. How often do we misunderstand each other in our own language, because we think that our interlocutor knows what we mean when we use a particular word?

Many of my clients express a feeling of deep dissatisfaction due to the fact that when they speak in English, they feel that they are a lesser version of themselves. Used to relying on easy access to as many words as they need in their own language, they feel vulnerable and afraid that they will give the wrong impression when they speak in English.

Speaking in front of a large public, especially in English if it is not your mother tongue, can be a pretty surreal and disconcerting experience. Recently, I coached a diplomat’s wife who had to make several public speeches in the context of her diplomatic role.

Once you understand the pareto principle, you can save yourself SOO much work and energy! Do less and accomplish more, as the saying goes.

In a nutshell ( I like this English expression because I eat a lot of nuts!) if you can identify the 20% of a situation that is key, and determines 80% of results, you can make life much easier for yourself.

Why is the number three magic and how can you use it to have more impact in English?

Three is the smallest number that the mind considers as a pattern. The number two is used to express contrast or comparison. When we express things in threes, there is a sense of completeness and satisfaction that is not created by the number four, which is more like a list.

When you are learning a new language, understanding and speaking correctly might seem more important than listening in a way that shows the speaker that you are really present. How can you be a good listener in English? If you want to feel that you are joining in a discussion but don’t feel ready to launch into expressing your opinion with a long speech, you can make your contribution by expressing a reaction to what you hear and by showing interest and enthusiasm or by giving your undivided attention.

Perhaps you have memories of pouring your heart out as a teenager and keeping it locked in a book with a little padlock. Perhaps your present diary is an electronic one on your phone, filled with meetings and appointments and possibilities for errors of double-booking or things that you are not particularly looking forward to. There is another kind of diary you can write.

Why is it so important to define what you really want as a result of improving your English?

Because then you have clarity, and as Tony Buzan so rightly says, clarity is the guide to your goals. If you say you want to speak more fluently, what does this mean for you? What does it feel like? How will you know when you are speaking more fluently? What will change for you?

How can you bring more colour to your English? Using more precise, personalised adjectives to describe common experiences, is like watching a film in colour as opposed to black and white. 

Black and white adjectives are adjectives like ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘interesting’, ‘nice’…
Collecting more varied adjectives really enriches your English and makes your language more evocative and authentic.

You might wonder what silence has to do with speaking English well. Perhaps you associate it with awkward silence because you can’t remember a word or you are afraid to speak out?

Well, silence is a language that we are all fluent in, whatever our mother tongue, and silence can say a lot!

One of the things that people find difficult in a foreign language and even in their own language, is making small talk. Exchanging banal 'niceties' with someone can feel so false and meaningless. I would like to suggest that small talk can be meaningful and can really help to create connection with another human being.

As you probably know, each person has a preferred way of communicating that influences their style and behavior when speaking to others.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of yin and yang, the masculine and feminine energy of the universe. In fact, all our experience is based on underlying polarities that create a tension between opposing forces. Sometimes we feel torn between two different attractions – spending time with friends and spending time alone. Having a structured daily routine and feeling a sense of freedom. Looking after others’ needs and looking after our own needs. Working hard to succeed and remaining sufficiently detached to avoid disappointment. 

Successful leadership involves balancing apparently opposing values so that they can co-exist in a complementary way.

So, what’s this got to do with language learning?

If you feel panic and even terror when you have to speak English in front of an important customer or in a meeting with colleagues, don’t worry, this is just how the brain functions.

Are you going to take an English speaking exam like the CAE or the IELTS or perhaps you have to give a presentation in English to visiting clients or potential customers?

This blog is designed to help empower you towards feeling more confident and to have more pleasure speaking English even if, inevitably, you make mistakes as even native speakers do.